Home on The Weaponized Trash Panda Collection

Will you Help me Hide a Body

Fri, 20 Dec 2024 00:00:00 +0000

This story was the first of our campaign, and was a bit of a rough pilot episode. It was a one-shot that turned two-shot: I still wasn’t familiar with the fact my group tends to crash out after 3 hours. Some of the stuff mentioned here will come back, but some of it won’t: mostly my goal was to provide an introduction to Call of Cthulhu and identify if it would work for the story I had in mind.

The Ones who Stayed Behind

Mon, 01 Jun 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Excerpt from Volume 1 of F.M-P’s folklore anthologies. The author’s notes have been preserved, and the editor’s notes have been included.

To those who have not met them (which is the majority of people), I must explain that the stereotype of the cowardly Halfling, while not the truth, is based in it. Halflings are predisposed to anxiety, but the way each one handles this is dependent on their upbringing and circumstance. They are easily spooked, sure – but they are just as easily cornered, as the grotesque fragments of numerous would-be-conquerors’ ghosts could (theoretically) attest.

Resources and Inspirations

Thu, 28 May 2026 21:23:24 -0700

It is said that there is nothing new under the sun. Indeed, as morbidly unique as my ideas are, they would not have been formed without the many other works I built my campaign’s foundation on. This list exists to thank the creators of those works, and to allow you to use them yourself. I will try to organize them in rough order of when I first found them.

Dungeons and Dragons: 5th Edition rulebook – Wizards of the Coast
Call of Cthulhu: 7th edition rulebook – Chaosium inc.
Into the Wyrd and Wild – Charles Ferguson-Avery, Feral Indie Studios, Wet Ink Games
The Wildsea – Felix Isaacs, Myth Works
Pirate Borg – Luke Stratton, Limithron
Vaesen – Free League
Veins of the Earth – Patrick Stuart, Scrap Princess

Additionally, there are some who have produced multiple works that brought me on this path. They are:

The color scheme: why my website has an off-white background.

Sun, 24 May 2026 17:14:48 -0700

As you have almost certainly noticed by now, my website, unlike many, does not have a pure white background (at least in light mode). This is not a defect, nor a quirk of the template; it is an intentional choice made by me. This page is about the logic behind the palette.

A primer on eyestrain #

Eyestrain is the colloqual term for one’s eyes getting tired from overuse. It can be exacerbated by certain visual stimuli, and can manifest as a headache, blurred vision, eye pain, difficulty concentrating, or even muscle soreness. Below is a visual guide to things that can cause eyestrain.

Elves, Dwarves, and Halflings, Oh My! Defining Characteristics of Each Humanoid Species

Fri, 22 May 2026 00:00:00 +0000

One big difference between Tezera and Earth is the presence of certain non-human humanoids. This page exists as a quick reference for racial¹ differences, especially those which are unique to Tezera’s setting.

Genus Homo #

Like in our world, humans are in genus homo. Most of the non-human humanoids are. This section exclusively refers to true members of genus homo².

Homo sapiens (Humans) #

The most boring fantasy race and the jesters for the great old ones, humans are (unknown to basically everyone) the genetic ancestor of all true members of genus homo. These mutations occured due to Tezera’s unique metaphysical status, which is also the reason for the entities they call gods³. Other than that, I have nothing to note.

A brief note on the "cradlesnatchers"

Thu, 21 May 2026 00:00:00 +0000

One creature that stalks the old stories operates thusly: someone who has gone into the wild places and gotten attention from the fae is awoken late at night. Rushing downstairs, they find a monstrous pile of bones, loosely held together by sinew and scattered muscles, standing over their sleeping child.

How these stories end differs: sometimes this creature is scared off, or bribed to leave. Sometimes it escapes with the child, who is sometimes rescued and sometimes lost. And sometimes, the only stories of the event are those of the neighbors hearing ghastly shrieks, running to help, and finding only bloodstains and broken furniture. Yet the creature is a constant, and it is this creature we will discuss.

Why my robots.txt file means you might not see my stuff on google for 3 months.

Tue, 19 May 2026 00:00:00 +0000

While I was building my website, I made some design choices that may affect your experience. For example, I chose to use the Volkorn type face, partially because I enjoy it and partially because it has some cool features.

Other choices will have a stronger effect, and will mostly affect AI fans. Yet others will have a minor effect on everyone.

An Explanation of the Creative Commons #

Before I explain what I did, I’ll start with why I did it, and before I can do that I need to explain Creative Commons licenses.

Enlightenment and Our Lament

Mon, 18 May 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Elven creation myth. They lament how they lost utopia because of their own arrogance.

The Vague History of Tezera

Sun, 04 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In the present era (read: the one my current campaign takes place during), there is a major lack of information regarding the world’s history. The goal of this document is to act as a general overview of events, so as to allow other events to be contextualized.

The Days of Myth #

Although things did, quite naturally, happen before this point, this is where the first records date back to.
This is considered an age before the differences between humans, elves, halvlings, etc. were entirely understood¹ – most myths regarding how any of the great races came into being hearken back to this era, as well as many about how other phenomena came into being. Many stories from this era make reference to a First City of some kind.

Wacken Yule

Sat, 03 Jan 2026 00:00:00 +0000

In the grand and unknown scale of Tezera’s history, the celebration known as Wacken Yule is a suprisingly recent occurence¹. Like Christmas on Earth, Wacken Yule also has its origins in the festivities of Yule: decorated trees, gathering to eat copious amounts of food, and the gifting of socks all lie in the venn diagram between the three. What is more important in this article are the differences.

Firstly, Wacken Yule occurs over multiple days, with festivities easily divded into pre-solstice, solstice, and post-solstice events. It typically runs from 14 days before the solstice to the start of the new year. During this time, young men with little better to do take on the role of Wacken Fool(s) – nowadays, this role is traditionally performed shirtless, while wearing a silly headband with plush reindeer antlers and bells. These men act to liven the mood of this festive time, ensuring people are fed, warm, and otherwise cared for. Another notable difference are the traditional songs – although some songs are entirely unique, the absence of “Jingle Bells”² and Santa Claus must also be noted.

Stat Blocks

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

The stat blocks I used when I ran this adventure.

Events of the Scenario

Sun, 14 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

This will provide a list of scenes for the scenario, should you decide to run it.

Sales Unreal - What's Really Going On

Sun, 14 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

A recollection of the forces that started this whole mess.

Who's Who (A quick overview of the NPCs)

Sun, 14 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

All of the characters in this adventure can be divided into one of a few camps: The Grey family, your investigators, and everyone else.

The Grey Family #

No matter what¹, they posess old money, thanks to their mother. The whole family has curves for miles, curly red hair, and are just dark enough that most people assume it’s a tan². Yup, that’s privlege for ya.

Lady Grey: #

The matriarch of the family, Lady Grey is the polite and graceful mother of her horde of brats. She’ll tell you she never judges a book by its cover, which is true – but once she makes an assesment of you, it’s never going to change for the better.
When she is introduced, establish her by giving her an excuse to care for someone. When she talks with the investigators, have her ask about their needs. Especially if she’s trying to hide something.

KotCoW - What's Really Going On

Sat, 13 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Backstory #

There is a man known as Baron Montichello. The resemblance between him and the mythical Don Quixote is less “venn diagram”, and more “circle”.
Anyway, unlike Don Quixote, he actually ran into one of the mythical entities from time forgotten, and agreed to help bring back “the good days”. You know, the ones that aren’t actually good for anyone but the entity in question and maybe one of its ultra-loyal followers. What can I say: he’s spending so much time in his head, he can’t see the beauty of the modern era.

KotCow - What went down

Fri, 12 Dec 2025 00:00:00 +0000

The Recap #

Session 1: The Night Crew #

(This part of the recap was written by Dave’s player).
“We are hired by a theater to basically run security. Apparently there have been some pranks going on, and the sounds of rats in the night. Some of the staff believe it is a haunting. As the night begins, things start moving about without us seeing it. Doors are sticking, locking by themselves. A music box is found playing in a clothing rack in the elevator. This clothing rack and other objects begin to change locations, but no one is seeing moving them, or seen at all.
At one point, the clothing rack downstairs appears to be moving on its own. And after some time, we come to realize that there don’t appear to be any rats in the building whatsoever. There is a janitor in the building at this time we haven’t spoken to yet, and ended our session before talking with them.”

Said the Carp to the Sailors

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Excerpt from Volume 5 of F.M-P’s folklore anthologies. The author’s notes have been preserved.

To describe the town of Ryncebud with a handful of words, I would use “strange but warm”. I was fascinated from our arrival by the architecture: there were stone pillars everywhere, pillars holding up arches framing windows so large, they had to make space for another layer of the building to keep them together. Each wall of these buildings was made from anywhere from two to twelve materials, which provided color within color that I saw nowhere else, and the structural play between symmetry and asymmetry allowed for a giddiness of structure that I adored. The weather was quite warm, as if it were the middle of summer, which was a great relief for us¹ (although I worry how it would feel for them five months later during the actual summertime). They welcomed our unexpected arrival with open arms, giving us somewhere to stay for the low price of making ourselves useful.

The Storyteller

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Found in Volume 6 of F.M-P’s folklore anthologies. The author’s footnotes have been preserved.

I learned this story from a dwarven tavern keeper I met by chance on my travels, whilst seeking shelter on one of those nights where wild, wind-swept rain blinds all who dare to travel. He was pale and lanky from age, his eyes faintly defined. I asked about strange events he’d seen (so I could add to my chronicles), and he obliged. Of the week I spent in his company, being regaled with tales he’d heard in his youth and treated like the guest of honor¹, I am obligated to state that this was one of the last ones he told me.

Sales Unreal - What went down

Sat, 25 Jan 2025 00:00:00 +0000

The Original Recap: #

(Written by Damien’s player)
“We started off the session with a trip to the convenience store on Black Friday around the afternoon. The ride took place in Damien’s car which had Irene in the front smoking a cigarette and putting on a French facade. Blair sat in the back and was adamant about buying a blender for Damien’s milkshake addiction. (No one knows why he has that). As metal music blared all the way to the store Jeff had made it inside and was on the hunt for cigarettes. The angry med student needed something to take the edge off.

About

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Hello! Call me CaerbannogMochi! This website exists so I can share my ~~hilariously demented~~ worldbuilding with y’all.

I’m currently working on writing some books so I can pay for my dream school – mechanical engineering with renewables isn’t exactly a common degree – and can assure you that everything I write is done completely sans AI.

Mostly because it can’t shitpost. Seriously, I don’t think AI could write a self-righteous nun fighting (and losing to) a goat: not without excessive prompting, and not without writing something kinda bland. It definitely can’t draw every member of a DnD group, with periodic updates to make sure everyone’s happy with their PC’s design, whilst hiding the fact they’re going to be posed on the among us crewmate screen until the very end. I have done these things, and will continue my creative shitposting until the day I die.

About

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

I’m here to write stories, share them, and maybe challenge the patriarchy. Hopefully.

Resources

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

Safe Ritual Closure in Emergencies
Safe Ritual Closure in Emergencies: Clean

yellow

Mon, 01 Jan 0001 00:00:00 +0000

yellow?