This will provide a list of scenes for the scenario, should you decide to run it.

Opening #

However you wish to start this scenario (boss needs more forks, battle plan to find the TVs, or even “lets go shopping”), this guide will start on the way into the store. This additionally assumes the investigators are inside the store when the magic starts – great for if you have a completely random assortment of characters you need grouping up.

The Hobo in the Parking Lot #

Your players need some way of getting the “Safe Closure” handout. Here’s how I did it:

While my investigators were headed into the store¹, they came across a really pushy homeless guy who practically shoved the messed up pamphlet into their hands, telling them they’d need it. If you wish to do it this way, emphasize the balance between “He’s totally high on something” and “He totally knows something”. Have a little fun, foreshadow some stuff, then let the investigators shove past him into the store.

Just as the lights go out #

Assuming the default entry, or if you wish to have some sort of “Hold on friend, we’re coming to save you!” motivation during your prologue, this scene marks the start of the weirdness.

After giving people a little bit of time to explore the store, start antics, or maybe even split the party if you’re feeling daring, have an announcement come onto the speakers:
“Good Morning everyone! Welcome to [insert store name here]! We just wante–”

And then, as the announcement unexpectedly mutes, plunge the store into total darkness and unnatural silence. Ask what everyone does. Give it a moment for things to settle at an interesting point (E.G, Damien tripping Irene and making her fall onto Jeff), then turn the lights back on.
The sanity loss for realizing that the once packed store is nigh-empty is (1/1d6).

What. The. Fuck. #

Once your investigators start “searching for surviviors”, run screaming in the grip of madness, or otherwise begin to move, they’ll run into their first encounter: a Cart Holder Zombie, as well as two Little Zombies.

The glassy-eyed man is pushing an overflowing shopping cart, which leaks crushed eggs, broken glass, meat (and orange) juice. It is filled to the brim with the most random assortment of shit imaginable. There are two others, a boy and a girl, presumably his children, both sporting the same glassy-eyed mindlessness as their father. They’re hurling random things onto the already overflowing cart, uncaring of what they send crashing onto the floor.

This should also be a sanity check (probably 0/1d4), as well as a stealth check if they don’t immediately want to start a fight².

The Middle Part: #

Warning:

Don’t just spoof this part. I tried to, and I only barely made it through a 3 hour session. If you want to run this, I would advise:

1. Get an actual map for the store, and establish a few routes through it. In my head, this place was a Costco: wherever it is, make sure you’re not winging the encounters.
2. Make sure you have an encounter (or two) for each area. This was one of my biggest mistakes. Otherwise, everyone’s going to run out of ideas real fast.
3. Give your players a reason to go places. Build a route (or two) through the store so they actually have places to go and things to do, or they’re going to get bored real quick.

This warning out of the way, I’ll give you a rundown of the various areas I came up with, to give you a head start on creativity. The intent of this scenario is the classic zombie fantasy of obtaining an ever-growing arsenal to deal with the horde.

Clothing/Fashion #

Although not initially flamboyant, this area will contain fairly reliable picks (especially for those who can afford to diversify their weaponry). Belts can be used as Garrotes (15% base chance to hit, victims suffer 1d6 damage per round until they escape via Maneuver), handbags can be filled with junk and swung with Brawl, Heels can be aimed at eyes, and enterprising investigators can dismantle the clothing racks to get a long rod (usable with Spear or Brawl, depending on what else they do with it). Ultimate weapon is La Chancla, which can be dual wielded (albeit with scoffable damage).

Furniture Section (merge with Home Improvement???) #

The furniture section will mostly contain really big items: If PCs are lucky, they’ll find a chair. If they’re really lucky, they’ll find something throwable, like a plate or a knob, or even a pipe they can bludgeon someone with. This aisle has fridges, freezers, microwaves, and blenders (+ Food Processor Shuriken³).

Fridge/Freezer #

This section doesn’t have many traditional weapons, but can still be useful if they get creative. Opening a bag of peas could cause someone to trip. A bag of ice may shatter on impact, disorienting someone. A frozen turkey could almost certainly kill someone.

Produce #

Although it will be tough to find conventional weaponry, throwing a russet potato at somebody will still hurt, to say nothing about the melon family. Oh, and small knives may be found if investigators are willing to break into sealed cases to get them.

Dry Goods #

Many useful items here won’t survive more than one use, but their real utility is in the aftermath – have you tried running full bore over spilled pasta sauce? Lucky players can find tools like a Champaign bottle (1d6 Brawl) here.

Outdoor Equipment #

Although you may not wish to give your investigators firearms here (I mean, even most stores in the US don’t sell them), they can find things like Axes, Bolas, Bows, backpacks, and other useful tools here. They could probably find a bicycle, or even a Power Wheels Toy Jeep somewhere up high.

Toy Aisle #

You’d be surprised how many toys can become implements of terror in the right scenarios. Marbles, Rubiks cubes, Frisbees, and dodgeballs all pale in comparison to the horrors of the disc-o-punch/BB gun (Handgun, 1d3), Lemon Twist Toy (Flail (10% base), 1d3), Clackers (Whip (5% base) or Flail (10% base) 1d4), Chemistry sets (Maneuver, Science: Chemistry), Sky Dancers (Treat like a firearm: Roll luck to hit), and the legendary Lawn Darts (Thrown: 1d6 with Impale). And that’s before discussing croquet mallets (and balls), bsseball bats, and other stick-like objects. Yo-yos can be used as Garrotes (15% base) or Whips (5% base), and lucky PCs may find throwing axes or something that can be turned into a spear.

Cleaning #

This aisle contains 2 dangerous things: chemicals and brooms. Blinded enemies will take a penalty die to all combat actions, but the PC should make a sanity check to go through with it (assuming they know what will happen & it’s permanent). Brooms can use brawl (for hulk smash) or Spear (20% base) for pokes (bonus: they may go blind for a round!).

Home Repair #

Classical tools, like screwdrivers, hammers, and wrenches, are available alongside sledgehammers (1d8 Brawl, combine with STR?), cordless drills (5% success unless target is immobilized), a chainsaw, a hedge trimmer, lawnmowers, and other various noodle implements for PCs to build abominations. Toilet seats, lightbulbs, and pipes are also in this area.

(One of) the Final Hurdle(s) #

After fighting their way through the store, the staff room (which is at least locked, and which the investigators may-or-may-not know contains the ritual room) will be in sight… as well as a mass of shopping zombies, who are clearly here for a reason. Let the PCs choose how to approach the battle, but make sure there’s enough baddies for them to want to strategize. The Checkout stands will reduce the flow of Shopping Zombies, allowing for juking tactics while preventing some cheese strats. Let’s discuss some things they may try:

RAMMING SPEEEED! #

Players trying this tactic can use a forklift or other (modified) vehicle: Distractions will make this tactic more likely to work, as will a plow-like attachment (or other modifications to the vehicle of choice). All in all, it should be a drive check of some form to successfully beat the shopping zombies and make it into the staff room.

We Need a Distraction! #

Good for if you’re running this with normal Call of Cthulhu characters. Be sure to constantly emphasize that the shopping zombies want new shiny items. PCs can use this by declaring the presence of something cool and throwing it: This tactic won’t completely eliminate the shopping zombies, but it will greatly reduce their numbers.

Sneak 100 #

Although this tactic will be easiest if the PCs ditch all their items (a very hard ask: note that anything thrown will require a stealth check not to be swarmed by the shopping zombies upon hitting the floor), it can be done even with items (albeit with a penalty die). If the swarm is reduced (via distraction, ambush, alpha strike, etc), the PCs gain a bonus die to their stealth attempt.

Guerilla Tactics #

If the PCs wish, they can certainly bring the swarm by the registers into an ambush: this will function like a chase, with 1 combat action permitted per round. Move the zombies as a unit, and make sure to establish what the trap is in advance. PCs can hide to escape should things go awry. (Consider having a nearby area contain chest freezers or other useful hiding spots?)

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! #

Of course, there’s always the last ditch “We make a break for it, and hope the staff room has a lock”. Hopefully it isn’t their first plan, but sometimes we gotta take what we can get. This would immediately become a chase: give the PCs a free round if need be to make up for the weird setup. If in combat, they can use their 1 combat action to attempt to disengage (or apply a disabling maneuver so they can disengage next round): If they try to just turn tail (and mention they’re bracing for a hit), consider trading for a CON check to tank the damage and keep moving. There shouldn’t be many zones in this chase, but each enemy should count as an obstacle (Dodge check will prevent engaging whilst moving). The shopping zombies won’t stop until all PCs are out of sight, but will lose intrest in out-of-sight investigators. PCs can also dive into the toilets, of which there are two, both equipped with deadbolts. Any Shopping zombies that follow PCs into safe zones must be defeated.

The Staff Room #

Once entered, the staff room is found in shambles: tables are knocked over, the wall mounted phone’s transceiver is hanging by the cord (emitting white noise and crackles), and the room is lit by the light of candles in an occult ritual. There is also no lock (although there are multiple items to brace with: hopefully this leads to a “no man left behind” attitude, but we’ll see). Once the investigators reach the staff room, they’ll hopefully begin an examination of its contents.

The Phone #

Assuming the investigators don’t immediately hang up to call someone ‘useful’, the static line has potential information. investigators will only receive information should they ask a question into the line (E.G, “Who is this?”). To receive an answer, they must make a POW check: Normal success has the answer garbled, whereas a Hard success is mostly intelligible. These answers are courtesy of the meme, and are as follows:

• “Who is this?”: [Garbled] who nobody thought to account for / nobody… account…
• ”What happened here?”/“Who was behind this?”: An irresistible mad[garbled] [m]et an unstoppable p[garbled], and I was called into the fray / … Irresistable… [pro]fessor, and… called int…
• “Why are we the only ones who didn’t go mad?” [Unlikely question]: … Friend.
• ”Why are there zombies”/“Why did everyone go crazy?”: It was the will of the one who enacted the broken ritual. I simply [garbled] to the best of my ability. / It was… the one… broken ritual… best of my ab…
• ”How can we stop this madness?”: Simply free me from the fanatic’s will. [This is available in full, even on a Normal POW check].
• ”What are you?”: That, I remain unsure of. Ask [garbled] / …unsure… ask I…
• ”Why is there a ritual circle in the staff room?”: [garbled] chose it for privacy. Hired [garbled] to protect it. Didn’t stop [Garbled] from finding it. / …privacy… to protect… finding it.
• ”[Anything related to Hawthorne]”: Not to be trusted. [garbled] hurt me. [garbled] saved me. I like [garbled], and [garbled] likes you. / No… trusted… hurt… saved… [???] likes you.

Additionally, it may have information about your character’s secrets. Feel free to add to this list; if you do, remember the sentient meme (for that’s what’s on the other end of the line) only fully knows what happened after Hawthorne’s intervention. It’s guessing on the other stuff, and is also a little fuzzy on the post-intervention antics.

The Ritual Circle #

Investigators can make an Occult check to discern the meaning of this ritual.

• A normal sucess allows investigators to identify this circle as the cause of the shopping zombies: disrupt the ritual, free the victims.
• A hard sucess also allows them to identify this circle absolutely should not function, not in the nine hells. It may have catalyzed the event, but did not start it: something else is technically responsible for that.

Within the ritual circle (which is made of chalk), there are multiple lit candles: If 8 hours pass from start of scenario, the ritual will automatically be disrupted. In fact, an enterprising PC with a box fan could potentially end the scenario without getting any further information. If the PCs go the “proper” route, there’s a specific order the candles are supposed to be extinguished in: given how the circle merely guides the culprit, this order doesn’t actually matter (the skill check should end with “It seems that the sounds outside have normalized… right?”).
That being said, make a big deal of this. You can throw a puzzle in here, or just leave it as a skill check that provides a list of conditions.

If you wish to inspire paranoia in your players, describe 8 candles that appear as follows:

1. A scented orange candle, furthest to the north. Thick like other orange candles.
2. A white candle, on the wall that separates the staff room from the men’s room
3. Another orange scented candle, with a large dent in it and a non-centered wick. Thick like other orange candles.
4. A short white candle. It is clear from context that it’s from the same batch as the other white candles
5. A third scented orange candle, which is thick like the other orange candle. It’s not the tallest, but is far from the shortest.
6. A relatively tall white candle.
7. A medium white candle. Behaves normally, but has a non-centered wick.
8. The second shortest candle. If (lightly) fanned, the flame won’t shift with the wind (Spot hidden may identify this candle to be odd).

Calling Hawthorne #

To call Hawthorne, the PCs must first hang up the phone (blocking access to the God-Meme’s information). Once Hawthorne has been called, let them roll to describe the circle, but know that (unless they fumble) Hawthorne will have the same advice: Snuffing the candles will stop the ritual, but it “must”⁴ be done in a specific order to avoid consequences.

They can also tell the investigators that, once the ritual is disrupted, they will have to flip the breaker to reset local reality.

The Lockers #

If your investigators are classic kleptomaniacs, they’re picking the locks on every single one of these.

• There is an unlocked “empty” locker that can be found with any attempted lockpicking check (even a failure) or a sucessful spot hidden. This locker contains a pack of chalk which seems like it was only used to draw the ritual circle (color loss is proportional to what would be expected in creating the circle), as well as other occult pamperphenalia and a compass.
• A normal success will find that some lockers are more… empty… than would be expected (mind controlled thralls won’t take the normal amount of stuff to work). Additionally, one has a few post-it notes with modified versions of the ritual circle (these are notes Hawthorne took and discarded in their attempt to sabotage the ritual). There are also accounting records stored in one of the lockers for some reason (Accounting will identify Baron Montichello’s bribery).
• A Hard success will reveal all of the above, plus a card with something magical inscribed on it. It won’t affect the PCs (it’s a re-initialization tool: the Baron may be a loon, but he’s a knowledgeable loon — it only resets the countdown on his specific form of mind control). The card can be examined (in person) by someone with Cthulhu Mythos to identify what its magic does via skill check. It looks like a business card with a silver-ish engraving in a language that looks just a little too close to one the PCs are familiar with.

The Pharmacy #

This is where the real chaos lies. My group didn’t find this space due to time, but there is another ritual circle in here that the sentient meme is banking on to maintain its influence. This can only be disarmed before the investigators flip the breaker to reset local reality. Otherwise, this ritual area will be hidden between reality’s folds.
This ritual can be found by:

• Using a dousing rod (occult check),
• Suspicious investigators making a skill check to ask if there’s any other place for a ritual circle to hide,
• Or simply investigators breaking in to get high.

This ritual circle was crafted by the meme, and thus has an especially odd shape and choice of materials. If your investigators fail their skill checks to disarm it, they should get hurt in the process. The exact process of disarming it? Up to you. (Like I said, never reached this part).

The Breaker and Conclusion: #

This part is relatively simple. Once your investigators are confident that they’ve fixed what’s going on here (whether or not they were sucessful), cue them to flip the breaker (which should be placed nearby, in a logical position: it’s just a way of asking “are you confident with your answer”). From there, as long as they have disabled at least one of the ritual circles, things will appear to have returned to normal. However:

• If they only disabled the staff room ritual, the sentient meme will have made the ex-shopping-zombies into sleeper agents for its own agenda (feel free to call back to this later).
• If they only disabled the pharmacy ritual (for some reason), there may be an incident in the staff room as people freak out about that shorting out (likely with destructive consequences).
• If they successfully disabled both ritual circles, things will truly be back to normal: give them extra sanity for a job well done.